This here distance between us. . .

The door closes with a thud – not a nasty slam but it might as well have been because it feels that way in my heart.  So this is how we are spending our Friday night. He in there and I in here and this here distance between us is so wide and vast that it feels like we will never find a bridge.  It started innocent enough just talking and then before either of us knew what was happening we were thinking mean thoughts and then saying them out loud. What started out as a fun Friday night on the couch turned into him in there and me out here wishing for a “do over”.  I close my eyes and bow my head and I know on the other side of that wood door that feels like a brick wall separating us, he is doing the same.  We made this promise on the day we wed to never let the sun go down on our anger and this is not the first night nor the last that we will have to draw upon that promise and make good on that promise both at the same time.  Eleven years ago and many late nights later, (including one when we saw the sun rise before we resolved) and yet here we sit on our Friday night.  I remember as a new bride thinking what a great idea this promise was and I actually thought it seemed easy.  But within the first year I found out the sacrifice this promise truly was but what glue it would be for our marriage.  We can love and hate all in the same day but the crucial piece has always been ending and beginning our days with love and true reconciliation.  That is one thing I know beyond anything else about that man and about our relationship – when it’s all said and done there will be peace.  There will be love. And there will be “us”.  The door slowly opens and I hear, “You ready to talk?”. . . I nod my head and I wonder if we will put on a pot of coffee before the night is over.